Dear Guest,
the deadline for the fees for the operation of the Polen voor Nederlanders and Holland without secrets websites (domain, hosting) is approaching. For me, this is such a huge financial burden at the moment that I wonder if I can continue to bear it. If you liked this (or others) article, if you think that the websites should still exist, maybe you would like to support them with a modest donation? Payments can be made to the account:
PKO Bank Polski S.A. 82 1020 2313 0000 3102 0095 8181 – website
SWIFT BPKOPLPW / IBAN PL
With many thanks in advance – Renata Głuszek
The Polish man is certainly a unique phenomenon in Europe. Throughout the centuries he was characterized not only by his unique appearance, but also by extremely gallant behavior towards women.
He let the lady go first at the door or he kissed her hand… The taste of kissing a woman’s hand, not practiced in Europe outside the official ceremonial, was very unusual. This specifically Polish behavior was born in the gentry’s culture of the 16thto17thcenturies, referred to as Sarmatian (the nobility thought they derived from the mythical Sarmatians). Not only men’s gallantry was unusual. High-shaved heads with tufts of hair, clothing referring to Turkish attire (kontusz, żupan) – certainly the Pole of that time brought some touch of exoticism and masculinity into a lace-clad and frilled Europe.
Picture from the movie “With fire and sword”
Much later, in the 1980s, the mustache of striking shipbuilders was also a bit weird.
Lech Wałęsa with the workers on strike at the Gdańsk Shipyard
photo: National Archive, The Hague
Patterns of gallant behavior were cultivated by pre-war Uhlans, with General Boleslaw Wieniawa-Długoszowski at the forefront. When he once had an indecent dream of some noble lady, the general felt obliged to send her flowers with apologies!
This kind of gentleman’s behavior towards women, in one form or another (kissing a ladу’ s hand, for instance, nowadays practiced mostly by some older guys) has survived up today. A foreign woman should not be surprised if a Pole insists on paying her bill in a café or restaurant. But does it mean that a contemporary Pole is the dream material for a husband or lover? Many young Polish women – dreaming of a foreigner – don’t think so.
VIEWS & BEHAVIOR
According to online survey conducted in 2013 by the Bols Platinum brand, Polish men rate themselves very highly, attributing to themselves the following features:
- bravery – 96%
- courage – 93%
- defence of a partner in case of danger – 96%
- class-related behavior – 90%
- respect and gentleness towards women – 86%
Report data on domestic violence presents male Poles however in a slightly different light. According to the research conducted by Feminoteka Foundation in 2012, approximately 800,000 women per year experience violence and 150 die as a result of domestic quarrels. The research does not include undisclosed cases (bullying of a child is not infrequent either.) Beating wives was a permanent element of peasant customs, which women accepted with humility (“he beats” means “he loves”). When asked if men react in cases of aggression of their colleagues to their wives, the president of Feminoteka Joanna Piotrowska responds: “They are afraid to react. “They do not want to look like mollusks or hear that they are interfering in their affairs. The fear of losing a macho face also plays a major role.
Men have been treating women in this way for centuries. In the past a woman received kisses of her hand, but at the same time she was treated paternalistically and with disregard. A poem by Adam Mickiewicz, an eminent Polish poet of the 19thcentury, begins with the following words: “Woman, a vanity fluff, a variable creature.” The echoes of these behaviors survived in the form of contemptuous remarks about female drivers (a hag behind the wheel); statements about a prostitute which cannot be raped and deeply unfriendly remarks towards feminists. In this respect Polish males are characterized by exceptional conservatism and resistance to changes that aim at equalizing the legal and social positions of men and women and the elimination of genderism, treated by many men as the invention of crazy hags.
Photo: Renata Głuszek
Unfortunately it also concerns young men. Women aged 25-33, interviewed by Katarzyna Wojnicka and Ewelina Ciaputa for their later book “Carousel with men”, very often stated that a Polish man cannot function in the equality relationship in which the roles of both partners are not gender-determined. “They stick to the old patriarchal principles and are an explosive mix of a personality full of complexes and at the same time possessing a high opinion of themselves” (quotes come from: polki.pl).
According to the painter Hanna Bakuła, in Poland like nowhere else men are completely subordinated to women, which with the dream of being a real macho extremely frustrates them and makes them dull. Another thing is that they have no particular ambitions, do not pursue any personal development, and spend their free time mainly in an armchair in front of the TV-set, often drinking beer. A model example of such an individual is Ferdynand Kiepski, the hero of the popular satirical series “The Kiepski Family”.
Ferdynand Kiepski
THE LOOK
An average Pole is also careless in terms of appearance. The facts and statistics are merciless for Polish men. Many of them become fat in their thirties, and in the following years they get a so called “beer belly.” A Polish man’s clothing also leaves much to be desired, which seems more important for foreign ladies than the Polish ones. It is difficult to understand a high tolerance for the following clothing sets: slippers/flip-flops or sandals worn with dark socks, half-calf trousers, any T-shirt or even an undershirt. When the author of this text mocked at such a model on her Facebook page, many women reacted with indignation, defending clothing freedom!
Photo: Renata Głuszek
According to Tanya Stancheva from Bulgaria, Polish guys do not make a great impression: They are simply not attractive enough for me, there is no spell or mystery in them, they look too ordinary, not very colorful and, as they say in Bulgaria, they just do not catch your eye.
In large cities and political, business or cultural circles there are, of course, elegant, well-dressed men. Awareness of the need for a good appearance among the male population of Poland is reportedly growing…
Photo: Renata Głuszek
ARS AMANDI
Maybe things are a bit better in ars amandi case? Unfortunately in this matter the Polish man is also rated, by both Polish and foreign women, rather law. Letting a lady go first at the door, kissing her hand, giving a coat – it all makes a good impression at first, especially in Europe, but then things become worse. Conversation on the first date often lacks finesse, sparkle and humor. A good illustration of it is TV programm “First date”, in which the “national male average” is reported. There are, of course, flowers (sometimes) and a welcome compliment, but then men sitting by the tables seem to be very boring and even show a lack of good social behavior. And it is hardly surprising: the research on reading in Poland, carried out by the National Library, shows that 60% of men have not read ANY BOOK since graduation!
Claudia Agostinho from Portugal notes that “Polish guys are too serious; they are rarely able to be relaxed. And they have no sense of humor. Only when they have a drink, they become more relaxed and natural. But there is also the other side of the coin – after alcohol they can be aggressive, intrusive”.
The next step in the relationship can bring a disappointment. “Where is the fire and passion? Where are the surprises, the sticky notes for good morning on the refrigerator, where are the flowers and walks by the sea?” – asks Olga Audzeichyk from Belarus. Polish women also complain of the lack of romanticism in Polish guys.
(Quotes are from the publication Kobiety_z_zagranicy_recenzuja_polskich_mezczyzn)
WHERE ARE THE MEN
Ladies going to marry a Pole should be aware of his usually strong relationship with his mother (and Polish mother-in-law mostly does not like her daughter-in-law). As for the verbal communication, the Polish man, regardless of the environment he represents, is characterized by one common thing: the tendency to abuse vulgarisms while long, long time ago a man saying it by accident in the presence of a woman deeply apologized to her.
Of course there are many interesting, intelligent, well-dressed and well-bred men in Poland. The thing is, you do not know where they are. The problem is not new, because already in 1975 a singer Danuta Rinn sang in her great hit Where these men are:
Where are the men, the real ones,
eagles, falcons, herosy!?
Where these men worthy of the age,
where these lads are!?
One of the evidently positive features of the Polish man is his resourcefulness and the ability to solve technical problems. This skill means that Polish workers abroad are valued for their “handymen” abilities. In 2005 they became famous in the world thanks to the “Polish plumber” case, as he was perceived in France as a person taking work away from native French people. In Poland the case was used then for successful promotion of Poland with a poster depicting a Polish plumber urging the French to come to the country on the Vistula River. It is necessary to note that the handsome man from the poster is model Piotr Adamski.
A GOOD CHANGE?
it is worth however emphasizing that when on October 22, 2020 women started mass streets protests against the judgment of the Constitutional Tribunal overthrowing the so-called abortion compromise (read: Polish ladies), they were accompanied by men, and in quite a considerable number.
Photo Jakub Hałun
This is a praiseworthy expression of solidarity with women fighting for subjectivity, although the few days long protest also took the form of a mass rebellion of young people against the rule of Law and Justice.
THE CHOSEN POLISH TYPES
A man of dream – 17th century knight Jan Skrzetuski, “With fire and sword”
Singer Michał Szpak – a colorful bird / photo: Silar
A pensioner / photo: Renata Głuszek
and…
Robert Lewandowski – a worldly man / photo: Uwe Bassenhoff
Renata Głuszek
Published: January 4th, 2018
I invite all men outraged by the theses of my text to write in comments what you think about a contemporary Polish man. Any thesis, studies that refute my theses are welcome. I promise to publish it in a separate article.
Sources:
http://www.newsweek.pl/polska/jak-polacy-uprawiaja-seks,84886,1,1.html);
Fakt24.pl, polki.pl; trojmiasto.wyborcza.pl/trojmiasto/1,35612,7247089,Kobiety_z_zagranicy_recenzuja_polskich_mezczyzn.html;
wiadomosci.wp.pl/przerazajace-dane-co-roku-ginie-w-polsce-150-kobiet-6036153074054273a
Read also: Polish ladies, Polish ladies 2
The article full of stereotypes and incredibly stupid.
And written by polish woman, that’s just pathetic how can someone sink so low 🙂
In my opinion this article about Polish men and women is better:
https://scintilatebrightly.wordpress.com/2012/07/21/western-women-dating-abroad-setting-the-scene-in-poland/
It will be better if you go to link below
and check it yourself
#polskichlopak
It will be better if you go to link below and
check it yourself
#polskichlopak
Polish girls are boring too. I.have spent 4 weeks in Krakow. Girls are boring, low self esteem. To compensate, dress very well. Dull and cold.
Polish guys.why are tolerating crap? Date Russians, etc.
We know theh.In Poland many boys chooses Ukrainian Girls(are so cute).Number’s of marriage Polish mens with Ukrainian,Russian,Belarus growing up very fast.
Thank you for this article. I’m an english woman dating a polish guy and can identify with many of your points. As a feminist I’m really struggling with some of my boyfriend’s conservative and what I consider often sexist remarks. I can see now its probably cultural differences.
Anyway this article certainly helps me understand why so few English women seem to date Polish men and why its so prevalent the other way round.
I don’t know where the writer of this article went to met polish guys. I’m living in Wroclaw 1 year from now, and yes there are some stupids that match with all the downsides described, but in most of cases I’ve found extremly gentleman guys with diversify topics to talk about, with strong opinions which is sexy for me as a Latin Girl.
Please! who doesn’t feel better when is about to break the ice after a drink or tow?
Now I’m happy in a relationship with a extra super polish guy and has been great, maybe has a big impact the fact that in my culture there are still roles for men and woman and it helps to fit here, but anyway, I found this article very disrespectful and full of cliches.
Maybe if you stop going on the club to find “Mr. perfect one” on saturday 4 am you will have better luck.
Dear Kimberly, I live in Poland since 1961 when I was born so I know what I write. You live in a big university town so you know very little about Polish reality. Go to the province, small cities or villages to watch the truth. And read my article carefully. I also recommend commentary of Bethan or James. Renata
Very funny.Most of Polish Man living in big cites or medium cities.I think the Author of this article stop in the reality 15 years ego.Come on we’ve got 2018.
Poul, see this comment:
Thank you for this article. I’m an english woman dating a polish guy and can identify with many of your points. As a feminist I’m really struggling with some of my boyfriend’s conservative and what I consider often sexist remarks. I can see now its probably cultural differences.
Anyway this article certainly helps me understand why so few English women seem to date Polish men and why its so prevalent the other way round.
Obviously because the guy is form emigrations.Look at the comment Kimberly.She live in Wroclaw.Wroclaw is similar to Warsaw,Poznan,Cracow,Gdansk end many dig cities in Poland.You have to realize Poland isn’t just province.
Enjoy that your boyfriend is honest with you.
(in contrast to the hypocritical people of the West)
As for the nonsense in the article – Poland is not a problem either with xenophobia, violence against women or alcoholism much greater problems are FRANCE, SWEDEN, UK (note the differences between declared and real attitudes – this is beautifully shown in Eurostat or UN research)
Polish culture is a culture of people from the countryside (brutal but honest)
Western culture is the culture of the bourgeoisie (image is the most important)
Small update: Still living in Wroclaw, still in love of the city, the people in general, my friends in particular and of course, my boyfriend in special. I found this article again and I thought was a good idea to mention that I still strongly disagree with most of things mentioned here.
If you are reading this and hesitating if coming or not to Poland, or maybe you met someone special but you don’t know if give it a shoot I recommend to you to experience by yourself and have your own conclusions. Polish have dark sense of humor, not easy to digest for weak minds; strong opinions in sensitive topics because they like to be informed and have their own conclusions in some matters; they are Slavic, they surely like to drink (as I do) so they are great for party time as well; and most important, I’ve found beutiful souls and helpful people behind a cold first impression.
Dear, Renata, in Colombia we say: “no one is a prophet in their own land” and I think that’s what blinds a bit your perspective, I’ve travelled Poland to small cities and the answer is that people are very much welcoming when you smile. Even old people, who should be narrow minded, are very much interested in other cultures and still with the lack of language I’ve found amazing partners of lunch or bus ride.
I know this article was pretty much for girls looking for polish man and in the matter I must mention that I’m happy with my super extra polish boy and I wish the girls reading this to be able to reach my comment and can made their minds with a different opinion.
Best spring and summer to all.
Dear Kimberly,
thank you for a wide defense of the Polish men and positive opinion about them. Great. Let me explain that this article is not written for women looking for Polish guys. It follows the article of Polish women – there is equality of sex, isn’t it? I don’t try to be a prophet (why prophet?) – I just write what I see and I am supported by other women observation and some searches. Anyway – various opinions are welcome! 🙂 Greeting
Renata,
Here is your “About us” page:
https://www.polenvoornederlanders.com/?page_id=5488
You wrote: “Jednym z powodów utworzenia tego portalu była chęć przełamania negatywnych stereotypów na temat Polski i Polaków.” (“One of the reasons of creating this portal was the desire to debunk negative stereotypes about Poland and Poles.”).
And then what did you do? You wrote an article full of negative stereotypes about Polish men.
Really, you are a hypocrite.
Hello Peter,
sorry for delay in answering but I have not visited the website on 1st May. Your relation to my personal situation is disgusting and has nothing common with my opinion about Polish men. It is a stereotype: only bitter single women have a bad thought about Polish men. Those, who suffer violence, are really happy with them.
Seriously – relate to my comments, one by one, what is a stereotype, and write your own opinion – I will publish it with no censoring.
By the way: do you watch “Big Brother” 2019? Do you like those young men who – in a presence of young woman – say “kurwa” every second word? I experience it (not being young women anymore) everyday everywhere but – not to say more bad words about Polish guys – have not mentioned in my article.
So awaiting your own article,
Regards
Hi Renata,
Ok thanks for publishing my comment. I was angry at first because I thought you had censored my comment (that’s why I was a bit rude, sorry).
I don’t know in which part of Poland have you lived, Renata, but where I’ve lived young women and girls say “kurwa” every second word just as often as young men do, on average! I agree that it is a bad and a low class habit but it applies to both genders, unfortunately.
In your articles about Polish ladies, you did not mention how often they say “kurwa”. Well, maybe because that article was only about ladies (not about all women!), while this article is about all men (not just about gentlemen!), but why such double standard?
I’m from the early 1990s generation, and in my generation people did not and do not say “kurwa” as much as teenagers (late 1990s and early 2000s generation) do today. You should probably tell me what has happened, you are part of the generation which was responsible for raising kids from our post-Communist generations.
The first post-Communist generation (early 1990s) turned out well, but then you messed up something. By the way – when traveling by train, I often encounter middle-aged people (also women!) in their 40s-50s who say “kurwa” more often than people my age! So the truth is, that your post-Commie generations are more vulgar than my generation.
Renata, maybe instead of complaining about Polish men – including young men I suppose – you should look at your own generation and at your own environment. I’m much younger than you, you could probably be my mother. So ask yourself why did your generation fail in teaching your sons how to behave? Or maybe it didn’t and you exaggerated?
And no, I don’t watch “Big Brother” 2019 – do I miss a lot by not watching it? I don’t think so, it is a waste of time. Maybe you should watch “Big Brothers” from other countries, including “Big Brother Netherlands”, to realize that the type of people who participate in “Big Brother” behave the same way regardless of which country they are from.
If you want to find a cultured and well-behaved man to be friends with or to marry, you shouldn’t look for him in “Big Brother”, definitely. Just like I would not look for a woman to marry in “Big Brother”, because women there are also like this.
As for your article, I will comment on some of its parts later in another message. But for example, the word “abnormal appearance” should be replaced by “unique appearance”, assuming that you meant the way Poliszh szlachta dressed.
Also when it comes to this quote by Olga Audzeichyk from Belarus: “Where is the fire and passion? Where are the surprises, the sticky notes for good morning on the refrigerator, where are the flowers and walks by the sea?” – asks Olga Audzeichyk from Belarus
Isn’t it funny that a woman from a landlocked country like Belarus complaiins about lack of walks by the sea? Did she want to date a Polish guy only because of the Baltic Sea?
Best regards,
Peter
Hi Peter,
thank you very much for your very sober statement in which I found a very important question about responsibility of upbringing young generation. You are very right in your statement that it is my generation (I was born in 60.) guilt. Why we stopped teaching young people good manners? I don’t know. I don’t have children by my own but I would care about their manners. In a case of vulgarity – I have not noticed that people at 50. are more vulgar than younger ones and I have not noticed women in my age (50+) being as vulgar as men. Young girls are on the same level of bad behaviour as boys. What generally concerns Polish men – I write what I see. I live in a city of 60 000 inhabitants and I think it is rather representative for Poland. I see nothing interesting in men – in most cases. Lack of phantasy, banality, and what is more – Polish men are more conservative (means also less liberal) than women. I am going to add this notice to my article soon.
You write well, I like it so please, send me your story and I will publish it in the special chapter. You can put it here or send to my mail: pol4ned@gmail.com.
I will replace the word “abnormal” by unique – thanks.
Regards!
I think the article is very correct, and I am thankful for reading this, I will read this another time again.
I am afraid you are so right. As an Asian person – I have observed something like this as well.
I think it is correct – thank you for writing
Pathetic, full of stereotypes. Renata, you’re almost 60. I guess your Moherowy beret is ready for winter? Typical Polish lady in that age has at least one… I’m supprised you have not mention about this in your text.
Best Regards.
40+ Polish guy without beer belly never used white socks and sandals.
Dear Michał, I have never used “moherowy beret” (mohair beret) at all, there are still few of us, 50+ ladies not wearing them 😉 Thanks for not wearing white socks, it helps thinking not all Polish men are hopeless. Regards.
I totally agree with the article. They have have very poor fashion sense and the ones I have met all have a problem with alcohol. The polish men who have moved to the UK usually have a wife and family they are supporting backs home in Poland but a ‘dummy’ relationship in the UK. Probably the reason for their poor taste in clothes is that they send all their money back home and eat cheaply and the wrong food .. and of course too much alcohol, hence the beer belly. They are domineering and full of their own self importance and I can understand why most women don’t find them attractive. I had the misfortune to meet one and start a relationship with him .. luckily I realised quickly and got rid of him.
Don’t mix Polish guys from Uk(migrants)with Polish guys who live in Poland.Is is huge difference.Polish guys in Uk it is very often Pathology from small cities and village.
Renata why you use censor my comments?
Dear Ola, the website had a technical problem with this page (and other comments) which has been solved today. Sorry for that. I have already accepted your comment. Regards – Renata
Yes.Polish men from the UK are very often like you wrote. but it is an article about Polish men in Poland. And in Poland the sytulation looks different. I live in Poland and as a woman I completely disagree. I do not see the huge difference between western men (who often are neglected) and Polish.
Hi there,
I moved recently to Ireland and from my perspective article is not great. It’s not like it’s totally wrong.. But I had the feeling reading that there is so much personal pain. Article is lacking perspective.
Anyway, best luck Renata.
Nowhere else besides Poland would I ever see women wearing tights pulled over their hairy legs giving them that nasty “godzilla” look. “Matka Polka” syndrome so prevalent and widespread here kills masculinity and male traits straight from the start in young man’s life. Grażynka the archetypal femme fatale with her catholic guilt syndrome is guaranteed to turn any man”s life into a nightmare. Lastly-forget about sex life -your average polish woman is as sexually flamboyant as a sleeping sloth.
I’m Dutch myself lol and my husband is Polish and we are both laughing at all of these articles that we found on the internet. My husband is really proud of his nationality nonetheless and I’m really proud of being Dutch (we both voted for CU-SGP in these EU elections). Anyhow my husband (100% Polish apparently) looks more stereotypically Dutch than even I! But certainly there are a lot of Polish workers in the Netherlands who resemble those men photographed by Renata Głuszek. Generally we like them, not everyone has to be a supermodel you know, and there are so many elderly Dutch who look similar too.